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Browse your emotional first aid kits,
no doctor's note required.

Gently formatted to simulate functionality in aesthetically pleasing quantities of emotional decay.

spike forgetanol

Forgetanol™

The Memory Eraser You Emotionally Asked For.

Scientifically unproven. Emotionally essential. Forgetanol™ helps you move on from things your brain refuses to shut up about. Wipes minor regrets, old conversations, that thing you said in 2017. Take with caution—may also erase the password you just made.

+1 💩
spike crytamine

Crytamine™

The Emotional Release You Forgot You Needed.

Crytamine™ is your gentle permission slip to fall apart, just a little. It helps release the emotions you've been bottling up behind productivity, passive-aggressive texts, and unread therapy emails. May cause sudden clarity, temporary mascara ruin, and unexpected healing.

+1 💩
spike holdonex

Holdonex™

The Emotional Duct Tape You Didn't Know You Needed.

Holdonex™ is for when you're not okay, but still need to reply “Haha no worries!”It's emotional duct tape for keeping it together — barely. Built for quiet resilience, soft panic, and making it through without explaining anything. May cause temporary stability, awkward eye twitches, and high-functioning chaos.

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spike antibs

Anti-Bullsh*t Pills™

Your Daily Filter for Everything That Drains You.

Anti-Bullsh*t Pills™ are your first line of defense against unsolicited opinions, unnecessary meetings, and people who say “it'll only take 5 minutes.” Designed for emotional boundaries, mental decluttering, and resisting the urge to be polite when you're done. May cause unapologetic peace, strong eye contact, and fewer unread emails.

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spike moldKit

Grow Your Mold™ Kit

The Only Companion That Thrives When You Don't.

Pets are hard. Plants require care. But mold? Mold gets you. The Grow Your Mold™ Kit is a low-maintenance emotional support organism — perfect for days when even brushing your teeth feels like a victory. It flourishes in the dark, doesn't judge, and loves being left alone. Includes one damp starter kit, optional existential dread, and zero
expectations.

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Free with any 2 products

Your guilt-free companion for when self-care feels like too much work.
Because mold thrives even when you don't.

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